Balance

Yesterday afternoon I attended a symposium at work, and our only task, aside from drinking wine and eating appetizers, was to discuss the concept of balance. It was interesting to hear the various ways people define balance and apply it to their lives, and I thought it would be a great topic to write about. As I share my perspective with you, I invite you to reflect on what balance means to you, and if you feel so moved, please share your thoughts.

Being in the field of psychology, the concept of balance is intriguing to me. It wasn’t until about four years ago that I started thinking about it on a much deeper level. I used to believe that balance was a state of steadiness where life felt good and all was well. I would exert a great deal of energy to get there, as if it were a destination, with hopes that once I did I’d be able to maintain that state from that point forward for the rest of my life! Need I tell you that didn’t work out so well? I learned that it was an idealistic but unrealistic goal, which set me up for failure and disappointment time and again.

Not too long ago I was taking a class in which the instructor blatantly stated, “Balance is an illusion.” I immediately had an aversive emotional reaction to his statement, and didn’t like one bit of what I was hearing. I stepped back and took inventory of my emotional defensiveness and realized that it was my resistance to the fact that his statement had some truth to it. The more I thought about it the more I could clearly see that balance wasn’t a destination but a continuous process that is comprised of the ebb and flow of life.

The very nature of balance is cyclical. You see this in nature, nations, society, cultures, families, and individuals. Life consists of ups and downs, rises and falls, successes and failures, peaks and degeneration, growth and deterioration, birth and death. There is constant movement in order to keep balance. Balance is not just the good stuff, and to me, that’s the illusion.

While teaching about the concept of balance in one of my classes I had everyone stand up and go into one of my favorite yoga asanas: tree pose. Tree is a balance pose, and when in it you become strikingly aware of the amount of movement that is involved with this apparently “steady” stance. At the symposium yesterday, one of my colleagues used the analogy of a waiter or waitress carrying a tray full of drinks. It’s not keeping your hand rigidly in one place under the tray that enables you to balance it, it is the constant movement of your fingers and replacement of your hand as the weight of the tray changes that allows for balance. The same applies in life. Balance, this illusion of steadiness, requires much fluidity and flexibility as we are presented with the positive and negative changes that accompany life.

So, just relax, go with the flow, and ride the wave of life. Finding...no, EXPERIENCING balance might be much easier than you originally thought!

Namaste,
Terri

The World Can Wait a Minute

A few years ago I was sitting at a coffee shop when the man sitting across from me got up as if in a hurry, but then paused. He said aloud, “The world can wait a minute,” and then sat back down and enjoyed the rest of his cup of coffee. His words have stayed with me ever since. Whenever I feel hurried, stressed, or under pressure I remember what he said, and in a strange way it eases my mind and makes me feel better.

Last week for instance, I was feeling under the weather, but felt self-imposed pressure to get my blog written and posted. I had the choice of either accepting or stressing over the fact that it wasn’t going to get written that week. I decided that it was more important to tend to my health, and that the world could wait until the following week to read my blog.

Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to take a little break. Where might those six words come in handy in your life? Whatever the situation, it’s okay; the world will still be there when you decide to return.

Have a restful week,
Terri

Be True to Yourself

What does it mean to be true to yourself? In what ways are you true to yourself? In what ways are you not? Can you be true to yourself without feeling guilty for doing so? Can you care for yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually without buying into the label that you’re being selfish? Is it possible to be true to yourself in a manner that isn’t at someone else’s expense?

Being true to yourself…

…entails being honest with yourself about how you feel.

...entails being honest with others about how you feel.

…is when you speak your truth and stand up for yourself.

…often times requires courage.

…is when you view your needs as important.

…means nurturing yourself.

…means that you take action in getting your needs met so that you can give to others from a place of fulfillment.

…sometimes entails being comfortable with the disapproval of others.

…requires that you take care of you because what you put out into the world stems from your well-being.

…involves honoring all of your emotions.

…means giving to and caring for others without depleting or losing yourself.

…is when you see yourself as a priority in your own life.

What would you add to the list? What are you going to do this week to make sure that you are true to yourself, and how might you encourage others to do the same?

Best,
Terri

Detachment is Key

Have you ever gotten the vibe that someone doesn’t like you? What’s your reaction to that? How does it make you feel? Does it make you feel nervous, anxious, or uncomfortable? Does it make you feel angry, irritated, or bothered? How do you react? Do you try to go out of your way to win their approval, or do you send the “oh yeah, well I don’t like you, either!” vibe right back at them?

The truth is, not everyone is going to like you, and being okay with that is another option. And believe it or not, it’s a healthy option. You can’t control others’ perceptions, and the minute you try to you will undoubtedly end up frustrated and disappointed. Their reasons are their own which involve not only how they perceive you, but how they perceive themselves, and how they perceive themselves in relation to you.

Liking or disliking is more complex than just having positive or negative feelings toward another. It’s never just about the other person. It always includes one’s view of him/herself in comparison to the person being “sized up.” This is probably the rare occasion where the words “never” and “always” actually apply. As the perceiver, we simply can’t be removed from the basis of our perception. The good news is someone else’s perception of you doesn’t have to be your truth. Someone can have a negative perception of you without it ever affecting who you really are. It might help to remember that they have a right to their perception just as you do yours.

So, if you get the opportunity this week, let it be your challenge to get comfortable with someone not liking you. Detachment is key in personal growth. I think you’ll find it to be liberating.

Have a great week,
Terri

Just Breathe

Are you breathing? Sounds like a silly question, but it’s legitimate and important! Pay attention to your breathing pattern. Do you hold your breath throughout the day? Do you utilize the full capacity of your lungs when you inhale, or are your breaths shallow leaving your body deprived of oxygen? Do you breathe through your mouth, or the place where air was intended to flow...your nostrils? When you breathe does your abdomen move? It should! When you breathe in your chest and belly should expand, and when you exhale they should retract.

The first thing that becomes compromised when we are stressed or anxious is our breath. This is why it is important that you make every effort to be aware of and regulate it because it’s the very thing that can bring you back to yourself and calm you during stressful periods. The breath never lies. It is the informant of your current state of mind. Don't believe me? Pay attention to your breath when you are anxious, fearful, stressed, relaxed, calm, or at peace.

So, how about giving it a try? Breathe in through your nose slowly and deeply for a count of six seconds. Hold at the top, and slowly exhale through your nose for a count of eight seconds. As you inhale feel your body receive the free air that plays a vital role in your aliveness. As you exhale, connect with the feeling of your inner body as it releases your breath back into the Universe. Practice honoring your breath, and seeking its support when you need it most.

Namaste,
Terri

What if?

What if you have more control over the quality of your life than you think? What if you get to decide how you would like to experience your life? What if it really is all about your thoughts and behaviors and not others’ thoughts and behaviors that makes your life rich? What if you cherish both the ups and downs of your journey? What if you make yourself a priority in your life? What if you really do have control over those things about you that you believe you don’t? What if you stepped out of your comfort zone, and recreated your life in a way that works for you? What if you have all of the power to create a new normal? What if the experience of your life is completely up to you? What would you do about it?

Love and well-being,
Terri

I Was Wrong, and I'm Sorry

A genuine “I was wrong, and I’m sorry” can go a long way. It actually helps to heal both parties…the apologizee AND apologizer. Sometimes we find it very difficult to say “I’m sorry” because behind an apology is the confession that we did something wrong.

When we feel we’ve done something wrong we are burdened with the emotion of guilt. And when we don’t find a healthy way of releasing our guilt, it remains bottled up inside. When such an intense emotion toward ourselves remains confined inside of us it tends to turn into debilitating emotions such as self-hatred, anger, disgust, and resentment, which ends up being expressed outwardly toward others. This is called projection—what we feel toward ourselves is redirected toward others. It’s a defense mechanism that keeps us protected from the pain, shame, guilt, fear, and anger we feel toward ourselves.

When we house contempt toward ourselves it’s very likely that we will begin to suffer physically (physical pain, migraines, digestive problems, ulcers, illnesses, disease, etc.). Your immune system becomes compromised when it has been overtaken by toxins, and this includes negative emotional pollution. Don’t underestimate the power of your psychology—your thoughts and behaviors—it is directly connected to the status your physical body. Another byproduct of holding yourself in emotional imprisonment is psychological disorders. Anger turned inward often times surfaces as depression, and/or substance abuse. Unresolved guilt can manifest as chronic anxiety.

Are all of these ailments worth protecting your ego from admitting a wrong doing? If we can begin to see that our self-worth is not connected to whether or not we are right or wrong, we will free ourselves and others from a lot of unnecessary suffering.

Love,
Terri